I didn't do a very good job of focusing during church. (If anyone is actually surprised by this, they must not know me too well). Whenever we were standing, Dan kept trying to get me to just stare at him and look him in the eyes, and I would giggle and look away to see what else was going on. When we were sitting, we were off to the side up front, so I had pews and pews full of my family and friends to look at - so many things to distract me! Once towards the beginning of the ceremony I realized the pew decoration right next to my mom was crooked, and I spent the next few minutes trying to silently tell her and my dad and brother from across the church that I wanted it fixed. My mom eventually got it, fixed it, and rolled her eyes at me. I'm glad she figured it out or it likely would have driven me crazy throughout the entire ceremony.
Although I felt better once I was down the aisle, there was one point while everyone was sitting that I started to have a major hot flash, and immediately felt like I was going to pass out. I started to sweat and could feel myself getting red, and my brother noticed and made gestures to me to breathe in... breathe out...
I remember all of the readings clearly. I have a great bond with my Aunt Renee, and Dan and I both agreed early on that we wanted to ask her to do a reading, and I loved that she was so honored to be a part of our ceremony. Rachel did the second reading with only three days notice because my cousin decided to tell me he didn't want to do it at the last minute. I thought I would be more hurt by him "dropping out", but it was mostly anger and frustration only because the programs were already at the printer with his name in them. Thankfully, our friend that was printing them had asked to see a proof the following morning, so the change was quickly made and no money or time was lost. I was surprised at my own reaction to the entire thing - sure, I was mad, but I also just said (and meant) "It's important to me that the people that are a part of our wedding WANT to be a part of it. So if he doesn't want to, then I don't want him to either." Rachel stepped in and did an awesome job, and it was just one of the many ways she saved the day. Seeing as we got much closer than we ever had been throughout my engagement, I took the last minute switch as a blessing in disguise because it gave me the chance to have someone that was crucial in our planning be a part of the ceremony. Allie and Alex split the petitions, which Dan wrote. As they were reading them, I knew the one about praying for the sick was coming up, and the one about praying for those who were not with us would be after that. I got a little choked up when we prayed for my friend Eva who has been battling cancer, and cried more than any other time throughout the day when my Aunt Debbie's name was read, along with all of the other relatives and friends who have passed away. Bridget snuck me a kleenex the next time we were standing, and I forgot the "blot, don't wipe" rule and probably messed up my makeup. Oh well.
It was hard for me to hear my Aunt's name and really think about the fact that she wasn't there with us that day. I obviously still miss my grandmother and other relatives who passed away when I was younger, but it was different with Debbie because it never occurred to me that she wouldn't be at my wedding until she was gone. When I was 15 and my grandma passed away, I wasn't even thinking about my wedding, so it was always a given that she wouldn't be there. But Debbie met (and loved) Dan, and I used to talk to her about our fantasy wedding before she got sick, so it always just seemed like she would obviously be a part of it. I can't even imagine what that will be like for my cousins when they get married, and I hope that I can help in honoring her on their wedding days like we tried to do at mine.
I probably shouldn't admit it, but I don't remember a single word of Father Larry's homily - which is odd, because I truly did listen to it. I remember liking it, and smiling, but I was in such a blur overall that I don't remember any detail from it. Even though we walked through the ceremony several times, I never did realize until we were there that our vows were completely separate from the blessing of the rings. I liked that these parts were spread out through the ceremony, and we also had a nuptial blessing song in there that Mr. Anderson lead, which I loved. When we were exchanging rings, Father Larry started to have me say "I, Dan..." and everyone laughed when he corrected it to "I, Kelly..." I appreciated his mistake because it got me to laugh and calmed me down a bit when I was just getting choked up again.
I didn't get to see Mr. Lawler before the ceremony, so I was so thankful that we had decided to go around to all of our bridal party as well as both of our immediate families during the sign of peace so I could finally say hi to him. I love that there are certain moments throughout the day that really stick out in my memory, and seeing my father in law right then is one of my favorites.
I had asked Father Larry specifically to wait until the very end of the ceremony to have us kiss... and I was VERY adamant about him saying "you may now kiss the bride!" because to me that is the most classic and traditional line from any wedding. He waited like we asked him to, but when he announced us as "Mr. & Mrs. Dan and Kelly Lawler!" everyone started clapping and Mr. Anderson started playing the organ from the choir loft... and we hadn't kissed yet. There was a hilarious 30 seconds or so of Mr. Anderson playing, everyone half clapping because they weren't sure what else to do, and Father Larry trying to get his attention so he would stop playing... and then finally he was able to tell Dan he could kiss me. Someone got a picture of Dan and I looking up to the loft kind of laughing, and I'm hoping Ben and Mindy also caught this moment because I found it absolutely hysterical.
I tried several times before the wedding to get Dan to "practice" how we were going to kiss, but of course this continuously just turned into a joke and we never actually had any idea of how it would all go. In the end it all worked out just fine :)... and to me, that was the "official" second we were married!
To be continued...
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